Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
