Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you win again, gameday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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