Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
