I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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