im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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