paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
