Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
