i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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