she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
