already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
