I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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