he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.