Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS