she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.