He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.