I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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