I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
