I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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