Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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