its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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