Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
