dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
