Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
