i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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