idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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