Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
