i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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