Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
