I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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