How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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