Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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