he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
