you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
