Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
