if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
