Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
