i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
