i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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