Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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