Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
