i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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