just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
