We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
