This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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