seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
