I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will be naked everywhere
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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