Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
