he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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