Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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