I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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