Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
