who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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