She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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