no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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