I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
