About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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