I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
