doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Operation Purity has been aborted
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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