did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
