I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bring me that man meat
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