we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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